When I realized that dairy and gluten were the cause of the constant sickly feeling, pain and discomfort I had experienced for years there was a huge sense of relief. That relief however was quickly followed by panic, sorrow and grief.
The panic:
I was panicked because I did not know how to feed myself, I did not know what to eat. One moment I was frolicking through the kitchen making anything I wanted to eat, the next I was struck dumb with the realization that gluten is in everything! The fortunate thing was that I had already gone off dairy so I only needed to figure out how to live without gluten, which is a huge task.
I started out slow, rice cakes, peanut butter, fruits, veggies and soy/rice milk. Once I felt confident that I would not starve I slowly began to cook recipes again. I have this great cook book called Extending The Table, and it was a life saver at first. Most of the recipes are from other parts of the world and rely mostly on vegetables, lentils, beans, rice and spices. This was perfect for me; quick, easy recipes that tasted good and did not make me ill.
The sorrow:
Sorrow came every time I would think about how much harder it was to feed myself, thinking back on the way thing used to be made me sad. Thinking about all of the foods that I loved that I could no longer eat made me sad. Going into a pastry shop or smelling pizza made me sad.
Over time the sorrow has faded but it is not totally gone and maybe it never will be. Living a gluten and dairy free life is not an awful thing but the gluten free substitutes in many cases are just a shadow of the real thing. The same pretty much goes for dairy as well, rice ice “cream” just ain’t as good as real ice cream. I will say that the more time that goes by the less I crave the things I used to love and that helps a lot.
The grief:
After a few weeks of trying to put on a brave face and smile my way through this colossal change in my life I decided that what I needed was to grieve the loss of gluten and dairy in my life. This may sound really silly, and in fact I do feel a little silly saying it but it really helped me. I was not just saying goodbye to pizza and pasta, I was saying goodbye to my lifestyle. I was saying goodbye to the way I used to cook, the way I knew how to cook. I was saying goodbye to easy breezy dining out and care free cookouts. Allowing myself to grieve those things helped me be able to welcome in a new way of living and cooking, it helped me welcome my new lifestyle and all that came with it.
The silver lining:
Over the past 1-1/2 years I have learned a lot and the silver lining to this new diet is that I eat healthier, feel better and have learned a lot about cooking. I have been blessed to be able to help others transition into a gluten and dairy free lifestyle and that is really a special thing to be able to do.
So, even though I desperately miss pizza and pastries this little shake up that like gave me has turned out not to be half bad.
